


Say Something

by LunaVitaeSuae



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 15:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9078703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaVitaeSuae/pseuds/LunaVitaeSuae
Summary: Say Something - A Great Big World A song fic!





	

**Author's Note:**

> I heard this song and I just HAD to write something with it. I feel like this is garbage, but that's probably because it's almost 6 am and I haven't slept yet.  
> I'm not sure if this means I'm coming off of my hiatus, but we'll see, I guess.  
> Enjoy!

_Say something, I’m giving up on you._

 

You laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Glancing over, you looked at the empty spot in the bed beside you. Alex wasn’t here. Again.

It wasn’t anything new, but it still hurt. It hurt like hell.

You felt unreasonable, being so upset over it. Alex was busy writing, day in and day out. He’d fall asleep at his desk and be back up before you had even realized he was out.

You felt like you had gone from best friends and lovers to roommates to acquaintances to strangers.

You barely saw him anymore and when you did, he was preoccupied. This essay with John, that group project with James, this Twitter fight with Thomas, drinks with the guys. Where were you suppose to fit in?

This was the twelfth night in a row that he hadn’t come to bed. A tear rolled down from the corner of your eye and dripped onto your pillow.

 

__I’ll be the one, if you want me to._ _

 

At the beginning, you had loved how devoted he was to his writing. He was full of fresh ideas and opinions that you couldn’t help but be enthralled by. That’s how you had originally met. He had left one of his ‘papers’ pulled up on a library computer after he had left.

You hadn’t meant to pry, but it was sixteen pages written on Thomas Jefferson and his ‘stupid hair and his stupid purple suit’. You had automatically fallen in love with his acerbic wit and descriptive insults.

When you were on the eleventh page and he had come rushing back, you were hunched over the keyboard, hands clasped over your mouth to keep your laughter down, tears in your eyes.

Alex had stopped short and stared at you. And then asked you out for coffee. You’d been nearly inseparable ever since.

 

__Anywhere I would have followed you._ _

 

You dated for 8 months before he asked you to move in with him. Things had been amazing for the first 6 months. Netflix dates, dinner and drinking with your friends, staying up late to discuss all the nuances of life, you did everything. As long as you were together, you were happy.

You had even gone home with him for the winter holidays to meet his adoptive family, the Washingtons. It had killed you a little bit, not going to see your own family, but it had been so important to Alex. He had promised to visit your family over the next break.

But that break had come and gone. And the next one. The one after that, you had an important scholarship dinner to attend, so you couldn’t go home then.

The next break was the summer break and you had decided to take a few summer courses, trying to get ahead.

Alex was too, so you were excited to have something to do together, even if it was just studying in the same room.

 

__Say something, I’m giving up on you._ _

 

The summer hadn’t been very good. Alex decided that he would get the most work done if he took his classes online, so he could set his own pace. So while you were on campus, stuck in a fairly empty classroom with a guy that smelled like stale cheese puffs, Alex was sleeping in.

And when you got home and wanted to hang out, Alex was just getting into his discussion forums and arguing with his classmates.

Eventually you got the hang of it and started hanging out in the library until Alex called to ask where you were.

You’d go home and have time for a quick dinner before the exhaustion from your day sent you to bed while Alex would either go out with John, Laf, and Herc or he’d stay up all night working on readings.

 

__And I, am feeling so small._ _

 

The first time you had brought up his late night activities, he had promised to be better. And he did. He started going to bed with you and making sure to get up in time to make you breakfast before you left for class.

But he seemed so tired all the time. You didn’t understand why. When you brought it up, he shrugged it off and changed the subject.

One night you woke up, having had too much water at dinner. As you got out of bed, you realized that Alex’s side was empty.

You went to the bathroom and when you came out, decided to hunt him down.

You found him hunched over his computer in the living room.

“Alex? What’re you doing?”

His head shot up from where he was hunched over his screen, face guilty as he looked at you.

“Ah, I couldn’t sleep. So I wanted to come out here and finish up this discussion while it was fresh on my mind.”

You shrugged and walked over to press a kiss to his tousled brown hair before heading back to bed.

The next night, you couldn’t sleep. You kept waking up and falling asleep, waking up and falling asleep. At one point you realized Alex had left again.

And the night after that, and the one after that.

When you brought it up to Alex again, he blew up in your face about it.He yelled about how he could do his work whenever he damn well wanted and why were you trying to make him feel bad for wanting to get his work done? Why did you want to ruin his inspiration?

You let the subject die out and resolved not to bring it up again.

 

__It was over my head, I know nothing at all._ _

 

One day, you were adamant about spending time together, even if it was just doing homework together. You just wanted to be awake and in the same room at the same time.

It was honestly sad how low your standards had fallen.

Alex was at his desk while you were stretched across the couch on your stomach. You were highlighting notes in your book while Alex typed away furiously.

You dropped your highlighter on the floor in shock when Alex gave a loud yell at his screen.

When you asked what the problem was, he went on a rant about Thomas Jefferson. When you suggested that he be the bigger person and ignore whatever petty comment Jefferson had made, Alex got angrier. He started yelling at you. Why couldn’t you be more supportive of him? Why were you taking that floofy-headed ninny’s side?

When you tried to explain why you weren’t, you just didn’t see why he had to get all bent out of shape about it, he threw his textbook across the room and stormed out.

You found out later, from Laf, that Alex had gone out to the bar with John and proceeded to get very, very drunk.

He seemed really confused when you told him not to bring Alex back, but to let him crash at their apartment.

You couldn’t deal with drunk Alex right now. You just needed peace and quiet.

 

__And I, will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl_ _

 

The day after that, when Alex returned, very hungover, you made sure to be there for him. The two of you apologized and you made him a big, greasy breakfast with a side of painkillers for his headache.

You spent the entire day together. You went for a walk in the park, and Alex surprised you by pulling some bread out of his pocket for you to feed the ducks. You thought back nostalgically to your non-coffeedate date. He had taken you to this same park, but without bread for the ducks.

You were touched that he had remembered your offhand comment about that being the one thing to complete and perfect the day.

You strolled the paths together, your arm through his, your head resting on his shoulder.

This was definitely the most perfect day you had had in a while.

 

__Say something, I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you._ _

__

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” You were very confused.

The fall semester had started and you were swamped with schoolwork. You were taking as many credit hours as possible. Still trying to get ahead. You were hoping to graduate early in the hopes of beating the rush for internships and careers, among other reasons.

You had been sitting on the couch, books scattered around you, papers scattered on top of them. Alex was at his computer desk, fairly quiet for once.

“You want… to break up? Or…?” Your heart started beating wildly. This was so unexpected.

“I can’t deal with you always having to work on something. You’ve been doing nonstop work for the last few weeks. You never spend time with me anymore. And all we seem to do is argue. And-”

He stopped speaking as your brows furrowed and your jaw slowly dropped.

“What do you want me to do, Alex? I’m drowning here. I’ve got 20 hours of courses. That’s gonna give me a lot of homework.”

“Take a break or something.” He wasn’t meeting your eyes, just staring at the floor and spinning back and forth in his chair.

Silence filled the room.

“Are you __kidding__  me?” You started laughing. __“Alexander Hamilton wants me to take a break?”__

“I don’t understand why that’s so funny,” he sulked, finally meeting your gaze.

“Alex, you’re Mr. Nonstop. You __never__  stop working on something.”

“I stop! I take breaks all the time to spend time with you, even when I don’t want to!” As soon as he stopped yelling, his eyes widened, realizing what he had just said.

“You… You don’t want to spend time with me?” Your chest started tightening and your eyes started itching. You took a deep breath, you didn’t want to bust into tears. Not now.

“That’s not how I meant it, you know I don’t mean that,” Alex snapped, jumping from his seat and pacing in front of you. “I just don’t understand why you’re taking so many hours? Why are you trying to kill yourself with all of this work? You’ve got time!”

“I don’t have time, that the thing, Alex. And if you weren’t taking a full load, I wouldn’t be either!” Damn it. The tears were gathering. You were so tired.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

__Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something, I'm giving up on you._ _

 

“I wanted to graduate early so you wouldn’t leave me behind!” With that, your tears sprang loose and fell freely down your cheeks. You jumped up, books and papers falling to the floor haphazardly.

Alex was a year ahead of you, as were all of the friends you had made while in school. You knew he had big plans for after graduation and you knew you wanted to be there with him every step of his journey. You just wanted to have your own journey, as well. And if that meant you had to fill out forms to override the maximum amount of credit hours you were allowed to take, well, it’d be worth it in the end.

You knew you wanted to spend your life with Alex. Even if it killed you, you’d graduate early. You’d planned out your tentative course schedule for the upcoming years, and if you took full summer classes and maxed out your hours during the other semesters, you could graduate an entire year early if you didn’t have to retake any classes.

You had wanted it to be a surprise for him.

 

__And I, will swallow my pride. You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye._ _

__

Alex moved out two weeks later. Lafayette, John, and Hercules had offered him a bed in John’s room of the apartment they shared.

The first week had been spent arguing about everything that had gone wrong in your relationship. He’d never even met your family even though you had been dragged across the country several times to see his. You never considered that he was an adult and didn’t need a damn sleep schedule.

It was an endlessly vicious cycle.

The second week was spent with his packing his things. He had surprisingly few belongings. Most of the things in the apartment, you had purchased together.

You managed to split the books up without a problem. You were willing to part with the TV and DVD player, since you hardly ever used them, but he decided to leave them behind, since the guys already had one and he didn’t feel like dragging it out of this apartment and into another.

The one big fight you really had was over the pictures. You wanted to keep them to dispose of them at your convenience, but he demanded them. Eventually, you just decided to play best three out of five rounds of rock, paper, scissors for them.

He won.

After he packed them into his boxes and left with them, you felt miserable at their absence. The walls and tabletops were too bare now, the apartment seemed so impersonal. You dragged yourself to your bed and threw yourself on top of it, not even bothering to crawl under the blanket.

Ever since Alex had said he wanted to end things, he hadn’t spent the night here anymore. It wasn’t a completely new feeling, he barely spent any time in the bedroom sleeping anyways, but in some ways, it was new and scary. You stared at his side of the bed, empty, he had even taken his pillow, and felt the dam in your chest break.

You cried. You let it all out. All of the love and misery and joy and despair you had felt over the last year. You cried for all of the long nights you had spent together, talking about your hopes and dreams for the future, a future where you were together forever and happy about it. You cried for the long days where you couldn’t get a word out of him, so deep down the rabbit hole of writing. You cried for the past you had shared and the future you wouldn’t.

You didn’t know how long you cried. You didn’t even realize when you fell into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.

 

__Say something…_ _

__

Graduation day. You had done the walk, received your empty display board, tossed your cap.

You were done.

Well, not completely. You had several opportunities. You could go into graduate school. You could pick from one of the several internships you had gotten. Or you could take the amazing job offer in New York.

You had until after the new year to make your decision, but you were leaning towards the job offer.

You were walking across the auditorium to meet up with your family after the ceremony when you saw a familiar face, surrounded by brown hair, pulled back in a low ponytail.

Alex.

He looked amazing in the dark green suit he was wearing. He was surrounded by his family. Martha was dabbing her eyes with a tissue and smiling so big that you thought her face might break.

Your eyes met and you stopped in your tracks, the full weight of that dark gaze holding you in place.

You had barely seen him in the flesh in the last two years. Maybe once or twice a month in the school cafeteria when they had special events. And maybe every other day in campus-wide Twitter feuds.

His eyes grew wide as he took you in and with a quick word to his family, hurried across the room to you.

“(Y/N),” he said breathlessly when he reached you.

“Alex, congrats on your honors today,” you said, keeping your voice as even as possible.

You hadn’t dated anyone else seriously. There had been a few first dates with different people, but you just couldn’t find anyone that really captivated you. __They’re nothing like Alex__ , you would always think, before reminding yourself that ‘not like Alex’ was probably what you needed.

But not a day went by that you didn’t think of him, didn’t miss him.

“Thanks.” The two of you stood there awkwardly, not saying anything. Just… Looking.

You were drinking it in, making up for all of the mornings you had woken up, alone, wishing that he’d be there when you opened your eyes. Making up for all of the nights you had come home, accidentally buying a carton of his favorite Chinese food.

Even his voice was melodic and sweet to your ears. You hadn’t spoken at all after your separation. It was probably one of the things you had missed the most, hearing him talk to himself, figuring out debate points he could use or just humming to himself while he folded laundry.

You realized he had been speaking and snapped yourself back to the present. __It won’t do you any good to get nostalgic now,__  you told yourself angrily. __It’s over and he’s gone and he’s probably happier without you.__

He was talking about the internship he had gotten at the New York Times office in New York City. You were a little surprised that you two would probably end up in the city together, but you hid it as best you could.

You nodded politely and wished he would just __go away.__  You weren’t sure how long you could deal with this. This polite facade, like the two of you had never happened. Like the two of you didn’t know every inch of each other, inside and out.

In the few seconds the two of you had been talking, you realized, with a plummeting heart, that you were still so madly in love with him.

Alex stopped talking and the two of you lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. He looked like he wanted to say something, opening his mouth several times and just closing it.

“You look good.” The words were out of your mouth before you had the chance to think about restraint.

“Ah, thanks. Uh, you do, too.” You nodded, a smile tugging at the edge of your lips.

“I’ve missed that.” You shot hit a questioning look and he nodded his head at you, eyes on your lips. “Your smile.”

“Oh.”

Someone called your name and you turned to see your mother waving at you from halfway across the room.

“I should get going,” you said, turning back to Alex.

As soon as you faced him again, you were shocked into silence as his hands came up to the sides of your face and he pulled you into a bruising kiss.

Old habits seeming to die hard, you brought your arms up without thinking, and wrapped them around his neck, ignoring the alarm bells going off in your head. If this was the last you were ever going to see him, you wanted to remember him like this. Not the fuzzy face or fading voice of your memory. Just this searing kiss, taking you out of time and space, just the two of you.

Alex pulled back, his hands still holding your head in place. He searched your eyes for a moment.

“(Y/N), I still love you. I haven’t been the same and I don’t know if I can live without you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... I go on a hiatus, don't write anything for a month and then bam. a 3k+ fic. TBH, I stayed up all night because my boyfriend had his work alarms set up on a really loud bluetooth speaker and I di *not* want to get woken up with that.   
> I hope you enjoyed it.   
> xoxo  
> Samantha


End file.
